Few days left as a teen…
This whole year has been a combination of a drag, a force, a disappointment and everything else my emotions can’t seem to push out through my fingers.
A vacation sounds amazing but I’d rather not torture myself with the thought of it not being in my budget (currently happening anyway). Being by myself is free but I want to be free from my thoughts; they cause me the most stress. I think entirely too much (so they say but I can’t comprehend cause in an unconscious mind it’s ok for me but consciously I’m exhausted by it). How does one turn their brain off? Can’t promise that I’d use that technique but it would be nice to know.
I feel worse than Wesley when the IRS was on his back. (No, they’re not after me)…but THIS is why I hate money. The more you make, the more you have to give up. STILL I work my ass off through it all. In desperate need of so much NEW. New living and working environment, surrounding minds/attitudes, inspiration, all of that shit that keeps me going. I’ll even take a new spot to eat at (desperate!) or new shoes, that’s ALWAYS nice.
The thought of always wanting to be on my own is kind of crazy but motivating at the same time. Right now, I’m not prepared for that but how long does this last? How long will I be under the roof of my parents? Living on a college campus isn’t shit to me by the way. How long will I be underpaid? All these unanswered questions (that’s not even a fourth of the list my mind holds) is what keeps me up at night. How long will I exhaust myself?
Some people just go with the flow…I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT THAT MEANS let alone how to do it. When I think about it, I think about it in such a drastic manner that I almost pity those that live this way. Possibly I’m viewing it wrong but maybe I’ll understand later…or not.
I’ll just keep praying and it’ll get better eventually… how long is eventually?